I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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