need another drink. this is the easiest way
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
