just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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