Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
