When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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