I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I want her autograph on my taint
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
