there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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