you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you inspire me to be a worse person
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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