why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
