I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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