On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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