I cannot find my penis.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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