Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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