Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
