I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
