at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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