I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
