I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
