yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
