2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
