I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
