i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
