Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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