So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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