Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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