the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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