dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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