don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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