In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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