I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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