Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
