I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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