my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
