yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
