highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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