the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
