I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
