I'm lost and stupid without you.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just high enough for therapy.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
