just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
