I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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