We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize