i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
