I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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