I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
