why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
