It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
