He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
