the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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