God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
