i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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