bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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