you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
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