What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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