youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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