addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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