I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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