Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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