my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
