Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
