I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
