The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
