Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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