we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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