allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
