My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
