is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
