I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My vagina just recognized that song.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
