do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
