i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
