This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
