Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my phone needs a breathalizer
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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