so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
