I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
