I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize