i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
