I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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