i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize