I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
