I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
