My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
