remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
