I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
