I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
