It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
