I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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