There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
