I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
