He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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