is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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