Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I understand Curling. That high.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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