Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
