even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
