some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
