a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
