she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
there is puke in my bra ... again
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