If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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