I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
