i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
