Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
