dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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