dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
