counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize