isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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