So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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