Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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