new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
