Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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