the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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