you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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