Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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