The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
