I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
