I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize