I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
