it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
