Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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