Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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